happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize