He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
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