Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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