we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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