If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize