Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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