so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
