it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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