I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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