I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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