Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
