we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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