The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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