R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
