just come out here and I will go home with you...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
