just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
