Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
