everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
