I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
