also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
