i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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