If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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