he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
this boner is exhausting
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
