U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
