Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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