shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
