we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You left your underwear on the fireplace
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
