i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
