just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
