I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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