If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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