Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
