i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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