I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I am naked and annoyed.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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