That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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