Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
