do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
