my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
