I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
