too bad you live with your parents still
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
