I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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