Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
