Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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