When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
