awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
