The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
