Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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