I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
