I'm eating all of the evidence.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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