i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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