im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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