I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
