btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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