The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
