You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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