I must be too annoying 4 u.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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