so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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