wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
