There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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