White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
